What does that say about us?

March 9, 2010 at 12:42 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments
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Hello there, blogland.  My day is off to a stellar start — had a great run this morning and inhaled a delicious Green Monster Smoothie.

It was so good, it drooled on itself.  See the little dribble on the right side? 😉

Lunch includes some leftover tortilla from last night, hummus Sam made (my favorite kind!), carrot sticks and yellow peppers for dipping, green grapes and trail mix of walnuts, almonds and dried cranberries.  Fabulous and all fitting within the “If It Doesn’t Have a Mama March” guidelines.  This is getting easier and easier to follow!

After my run, I fulfilled my duties as a homeowner and flipped through a new mail circular from a home store giant (I won’t say which — but think “alliteration” in the name and I think you’ll get it!) and I was laughing out loud at some of the things I saw.  These items just keep whirling around in my mind, until finally, I decided, it’s time for a little OFF-ROADING!

The first odd item was an automatic soap dispenser.  I can at least half-heartedly understand why this might be necessary.  I have found myself gooed with raw chicken bits enough times to appreciate the engineering behind such a dispenser.  A wave of the hand and you’re sanitary once more!  However, I also have planned in advance of said chicken goo debacle enough times to keep a paper towel at hand and then use my elbow to pump the soap.  When did we become so un-coordinated that soap dispensing was just too cumbersome a task?  What happens when the batteries in the auto-dispenser run out — do you stand at the sink in disbelief, unsure of how you will proceed with your washing ritual?

A flip of the page took me to another odd gem — a pair of nail clippers with an over-sized magnifying glass attached.  What?  I’m sure they designed this with the elderly in mind, but I am baffled by who exactly would buy this.  Instead of magnifying your offensively long fingernail, why not just move your hand closer to your face (and ergo, your eyes) so as to get a clear line of vision on your target.  If you can’t do that or don’t have the strength, you probably shouldn’t be trusted to be operating such heavy machinery as a pair of nail clippers.  And put down those cuticle scissors while you’re at it — you’re liable to hit an artery in your blindness and lack of motor skills.

My favorite odd item, by far, was located on the page opposite the opto-clippers (I made that name up, don’t go looking for them on eBay).

Behold, the slipcover for your airline seat — promising safe and sanitary travels.  Heaven forbid you sit where others have sat before without the protection of this neutrally-colored slipcover for protection.  Seriously?  I stopped to think about how this might work.  It goes without saying that your fellow passengers, calm and collected in their intended travels, will be MORE than willing to wait as you struggle to slip on your chair condom.  They may even offer to lend a hand (or lift a finger — one more selectively utilized than others…).   Between your overhead compartment confusion, your slipcover and the pileup of passengers waiting in the gate, I think this is a genius concept.  Just wait until you land and have to reverse the process.  I bet you’re met with a standing ovation for your efforts, especially by those needing to make a connection.  Oh, and the best part?  The picture showed the slipcover being used on a chair in coach.  Riiiiiiight.

Heaven forbid this circular with these odd items ever make it into a time capsule.  Generations from now will be led to believe we were lazy, blind germaphobes who spent more time working around our problems that actually solving them!

With that, I’m off!  I need to start looking for a means to over-complicate running so I can find the appropriate solution within the pages of the next mail circular heading my way :).

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3 Comments »

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  1. the airplane seat condom is the best. Thanks for making me laugh at work today!

  2. it was so good it drooled on itself!!!
    you are a trip!
    i just stumbled on your blog and i love it!

    keep up that healthy transformation girl!
    – rebekah


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